


Butterfly

by penpea



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Growing Up, Imaginary Friends, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-14 14:08:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2194665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penpea/pseuds/penpea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hinata?”<br/>“What is it, Kageyama?”<br/>“You won’t leave me will you?” he asked, twisting his fingers together and thinking of Azumane, crying alone in the playground, screaming for his guardian angel to come back. <i>What a sad little boy.</i> “You’ll always be here to hit my tosses, right?”<br/>Hinata only smiled and pushed the cover over Kageyama’s head, giggling when he protested. “Stop thinking so much, Kageyama! You’ll get wrinkles before you turn twenty!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Butterfly

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sure this had already been done before but well....here u go!

Five year old Kageyama had never thought of himself as a King. The word had been uttered many times before and he knew what it meant- big grown-ups who had the world in their hands. It was only when Hinata told him that he was a King that he started to think of it that way.

In his childish mind it simply meant that he was King of the playground, the one who could play as long as he wanted and run in the summer breeze without stopping. He believed Hinata- after all, the boy never lied, even when no one else seemed to believe him.

Their little game of pretend was serious to them, and the adults would never understand when Kageyama told them that what Hinata said was right. The grown-ups would shake their heads, look at each other and smile, think that he would get over it soon enough and stop pretending that what Hinata said was true.

Kageyama didn’t listen to them when they talked like that, with those tight lipped smiles and unsympathetic eyes that judged him for being a child. Kageyama was King and that was all that mattered.

\---

Kageyama first heard of volleyball when he was eight and watching television. Hinata was splayed on the floor beside him, staring at the butterflies that only he could see. Kageyama tried to look at them too, wanted to see the world Hinata saw in his eyes- maybe he could learn to smile like him if he saw what Hinata did. But he never could. So instead he watched television and pretended it was the same as being able to see butterflies in his living room.

“Kageyama look!” Hinata exclaimed as he surfed channels and finally stopped at a sports show. That was what grown-ups liked, didn’t they? “Did you look at how he throws the ball? Like _bam_!”

And Kageyama smiled because he loved how the ball flew from the big boy’s hand -–he would later learn the big boy was called a setter-- and landed in the other boy’s hand as if some magic had brought it there. Kageyama’s eyes widened and he thought he could see butterflies, only this time Hinata couldn’t see them.

“I’m going to be like that, one day!” Kageyama puffed up his chest and pointed towards the television screen. “And then they’re going to call me the King!”

Hinata looked at him and smiled, the light of a thousand suns brightening Kageyama’s surroundings. “You’re already a King to me!”

\---

“What do you mean you’re King?” Tsukishima asked, a dirty sneer on his face as he stood in the middle of the sandbox, Yamaguchi cowered behind him “Are you a kid?”

Kageyama wanted to say that yes, he was a kid, but he decided that wouldn’t help much. Hinata was standing next to him but Tsukishima, as always, didn’t even look at him. “Hinata says I’m King so that’s that. I’m king!” he said instead, firmly and truly believing that it was true.

The boy shook his head and clicked his tongue. “You’re still going on about Hinata? Who is he anyway?” Tsukishima’s sneer disappeared for a second and his face turned up in confusion and worry. “Don’t tell me you’re just making him up!”

Kageyama thought that was a dumb question to ask when the boy was standing next to him. “What’re you talking about, idiot?” he said and hoped his mother was nowhere to be found. She didn’t like it when he said the word ‘idiot’. She said it was all Hinata’s fault. “He’s standing right here!” he gestured towards his right where Hinata stood, twiddling his thumbs. “Are you blind or something?”

Tsukishima didn’t say anything and his face paled before he clicked his tongue and left, pulling Yamaguchi by the hand and leaving him to stand with Hinata, the sandbox finally theirs.

“What’s with him?” Kageyama asked Hinata “Why does he always ignore you like that?”

Hinata, who seemed to have the attention span of a smaller, less than intelligent rodent, smiled at him and pointed towards the sandbox. “Let’s play, Kageyama!”

Kageyama wanted to say something more but he shrugged and jumped into the box, feeling like a King again.

A hand tapped his shoulder and Kageyama turned to look at the brown haired boy standing next to him, Azumane.

“He doesn’t believe you either?” Azumane said, pointing towards Tsukishima who was now playing on the slides, pretending to be a giant monster that was coming to eat Yamaguchi. “He doesn’t think your friend…. _Hinata_ was it? He doesn’t think he’s here…just like my guardian angel.”

Kageyama pouted in answer. “It’s not that same as you.” he said and immediately saw Azumane’s smile falter. The boy laughed weakly and nodded.

“I guess you’re right.” he said and left. Hinata watched the boy leave, his ever present smile gone for a split second.

“I feel sorry for that Azumane,” Kageyama sighed, shaking his head “He thinks he has a friend that no one else can see.”

Hinata laughed but it sounded far away.

\---

On Kageyama’s ninth birthday, Hinata decided to surprise him. It was still morning, the sun peeking out from behind the clouds, warm and bright and he felt a heavy weight on his stomach as he woke up. It was Hinata, lying sprawled on his stomach, his knobbly knees poking against his body until he finally groaned and pushed him off, standing on the bed- a King in his jammies.

“What’s up with you attacking me the moment I wake up? Kageyama said, trying his angry grown-up voice but it didn’t seem to work by the way Hinata burst into a smile, broken teeth and all.

“It’s your birthday, Kageyama!” he exclaimed, jumping up and down and pulling Kageyama by the hand. “Let’s have fun!”

Kageyama smiled and let the boy drag him into their garden, already covered with snow and fallen leaves. He shivered a little and ran back towards his room to get his sweater but Hinata stopped him.

“Don’t tell me you’re cold, Kageyama? That’s so lame!” He laughed and jumped into the snow, landing headfirst in it and laughing in delight. Kageyama felt warm looking at the boy playing in the snow, laughing in pure joy and he ran back to him, diving in next to him and turning around to make snow angels, just the way Hinata liked.

“No way am I letting you have all the fun, dumbass!” he said, laughing when the snow went into his nose and melted on his skin. He sneezed.

“See? Isn’t it fun?” Hinata said, his hair already matted to his head from the snow. “Your birthday happens at the best time of the year!”

“Of course! After all, I’m a King!”

\---

“What were you _thinking_?” his mother screeched when a drenched and shivering Kageyama walked back in, Hinata grinning right next to him. “You’re already nine, why do you still act so recklessly?”

“I was just playing with Hinata!” Kageyama replied, unable to comprehend why his mother looked so horrified when he answered her. “It’s my birthday, mommy!”

“Hinata?” she said, and Kageyama thought he was going to cry. “Is…he still with you?”

Kageyama nodded and sneezed when a cold draught of air suddenly hit him. “Of course! He’s always with me.”

His mother started crying and sent him to his room.

\---

“Hinata?”

“What is it, Kageyama?”

“You’re real, aren’t you?”

Hinata didn’t answer- instead he looked up and pointed towards the ceiling, “Look at that butterfly, Kageyama! It’s so pretty! It looks just like you…black and blue and so pretty!”

Kageyama tried to smile but he sneezed and put his head under the covers again, feeling miserable and confused.

\---

Kageyama was eleven when he realized that he didn’t have any friends. He had Hinata, but really he was like a universal constant in his life, following him wherever he went. He didn’t have to question his presence, he just knew he was there.

Maybe it was because of that, that the others started to avoid him. Kageyama didn’t mind- he’d never felt lonely and it didn’t bother him that they laughed behind his back whenever he was playing with Hinata out in the park. He was learning volleyball and he could already see himself becoming a great setter one day. One to be the King of all setters.

“Kageyama, Kageyama!” Hinata jumped up and down, waving his hands in the air. “Toss it to me!”

He grinned. “You don’t have to ask.”

Kageyama threw the ball to him, watched the boy jump up in the air, higher than the sun and strike it down with his small little hand. He never got bored of watching his lean figure jump to hit the ball, his body arching upwards like a bird and sometimes, he swore he saw wings.

“What’s this?” a voice came from behind him, Tsukishima of course. He heard Yamaguchi trying to stop the boy but of course he didn’t listen- he loved picking on Kageyama after all. “Playing by yourself again?”

Kageyama ignored him- he’d learnt by now that talking to him was no use but it didn’t make him feel any better when he saw the look of hurt pass through Hinata’s face. It only ever lasted for a while before it was gone and he was smiling again, pretending to have the attention span of a smaller, less than intelligent rodent.

Kageyama knew better by now.

\---

“Hinata?”

“What is it, Kageyama?”

“You won’t leave me will you?” he asked, twisting his fingers together and thinking of Azumane, crying alone in the playground, screaming for his guardian angel to come back. _What a sad little boy_. “You’ll always be here to hit my tosses, right?”

Hinata only smiled and pushed the cover over Kageyama’s head, giggling when he protested. “Stop thinking so much, Kageyama! You’ll get wrinkles before you turn twenty!”

\---

 The end of elementary school started to change Kageyama. He saw the children around him starting to grow up, moving on from their childish fantasies and giving up their toys, abandoning them to become adults. Kageyama felt, for a while, as if he was just standing where he always had been, a child with only one friend- and he was happy like that.

It was after he joined the volleyball club that he really started to see the change in himself. He’d always been alone, he didn’t need friends. Because he thought so, it was almost a foreign concept to him when he had to serve for people that were not Hinata.

He couldn’t get them to act the way he wanted, to move like Hinata did, to jump higher and keep up with him.

“Why can’t you just hit the ball?” he yelled at his teammate and saw him flinch, biting back a retort. “Why can’t you just move like Hi-” he stopped when he realized what he was saying.

He was old enough to know that talking about Hinata would get him nowhere. The thought always made him bitter and he pushed it aside. Sighing, he threw the ball towards the boy again, saw him unable to keep up with him yet again and he tried to quash down the feeling of resentment that boiled within him.

Somewhere far away he could hear his teammates calling him a King and it didn’t make him happy. It felt like an insult.

 

Hinata didn’t smile when he came back home and saw him sitting on his bed, staring up at the butterflies that only he could see and somewhere, in the back of him mind, Kageyama wondered if he was embarrassed of having an imaginary friend.

\---

“Oi, Kageyama!” Hinata yelled in his ear and Kageyama didn’t have the energy to push him away. “Toss me the ball already! I’m tired of waiting!”

Kageyama shook his head. “I don’t want to.”

“Why not? Is it because of your teammates?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowing together. “You’re still hung up on that?”

Kageyama made no move to answer.

Hinata grinned and jerked a thumb towards his own chest. “As long as I’m here, you don’t have to worry about being alone! I’ll always spike your tosses, King!”

Something inside him snapped and he threw the ball he held in his hand. Even Hinata couldn’t catch it and it ended up hitting the tree trunk with a smack. “Don’t call me that! I hate it when you say it.”

Hinata looked stricken but he nodded quickly. “Alright. I won’t say it, Kageyama.” he said “If that’s what you want.”

 _I want you to leave me alone_ , he thought- but he had a feeling Hinata heard him.

\---

Kageyama woke up and immediately felt odd. His body felt cold, like someone had sucked the warmth away from him and he looked towards his right, expecting to find Hinata curled up in his sheets, snoring away. Instead, he found neatly folded sheets lying in the corner of the bed and no Hinata.

His heart stopped in his chest and he ran out of the house, not bothering to change his clothes.

He didn’t find him in the house or at the park, even when he looked under the jungle gym- his favorite hiding spot. Kageyama had never known what it felt like to be alone but standing in the park, watching the children play around him -- not one of them had the orange hair he was looking for – he realized what loneliness was.

It didn’t feel good at all.

\---

His mother looked at him, a worried frown on her face, “Tobio darling,” she said, putting her fork down and trying to smile. “Is something wrong?”

He shook his head.

“Why aren’t you eating then? You know you have to eat your vegetables.”

He nodded, glancing down at the cold looking greens on his plate. He knew he should eat them, and he was sure in a few days, he’d be able to. But for now, all he felt was emptiness. His stomach felt like a detached part of his body- grumbling but not bothering him at all.

“Is everything alright?” his father asked, finally glancing down from his newspaper. “You’ve been sad all week. Is….is _Hinata_ fighting with you?”

Kageyama bit his lip and stabbed a pea rolling around in his plate. “Hinata?” he said, feeling the name drop like dead weight from his lips. “Who’s that?”

\---

 _It’s better to forget,_ he repeated in his mind, _It’s better to forget him right now. I’ll be fine on my own. After all…he didn’t exist in the first place, did he?_

But it didn’t help the aching loneliness he felt when he lay in bed and tried to imagine Hinata’s warm body lying beside him, his soft snores lulling him to sleep.

\---

Kageyama’s shoes squeaked on the courtroom floor and he saw the ball flying towards him. He grabbed it with a single hand and tossed it backwards, waited for someone to receive it, to send it flying towards the other side but all he heard was the sound of the ball falling towards the floor.

The noise echoed in his ears a long time after he was sent to sit on the benches and Kageyama finally realized he was no King.

He was just a friendless, egocentric dictator.

\---

Maybe it was because he finally accepted to himself that he was miserable and alone and that he missed Hinata, that the boy came back.

He woke to find him sprawled on the bed, his mouth open and drool leaking out of his mouth like he’d had a particularly good nap. He looked taller --taller than before that is-- but still barely tall enough to pass for a middle-schooler.

Kageyama stared at him for a few seconds before he reached out a finger and touched him, tracing his fingertip against Hinata’s face and feeling an electric jolt when he felt his skin, warm against his. It had been three years since he’d seen him and he couldn’t believe it even when he saw him right next to him and the rise and fall of his chest.

He knew it wasn’t real but he couldn’t help the way his heart leapt in his chest, already feeling the joy of playing volleyball with him all over again.

Kageyama pinched his cheeks.

Hinata’s eyes snapped open and he looked at him in confusion before breaking out into a grin, leaping up on the bed and pulling his oddly small white shirt over his stomach.

“Long time no see, Kageyama!” he exclaimed and his voice rang like bells in his ears. “How’ve you been?”

“How have I been?” he asked, suddenly feeling angry “How have _I_ been? What have you been doing for three years?” he pulled Hinata by the collar of his shirt, his grip tightening around the boy’s skinny arms. “Why did you just vanish?”

Hinata chuckled. “You didn’t call me a dumbass this time,” he said, oddly happy “But well, I’m here now so be happy!”

“Like hell I’ll be happy when you’re not even explaining anything to me!”

Hinata reached out a hand and grabbed Kageyama’s wrist, his fingers felt cold. “Hey, Kageyama,” he said softly “Let’s go out and play…for old times’ sake?”

Kageyama let him go and shrugged, deciding it was useless to get anything out of the boy when he was like this. He might not have talked to him in three years but he was still the same.

Silently, he wondered when his mind would finally stop punishing him for being like this. It all seemed like a cruel joke to him.

It was already fall and the leaves had turned orange and red, settling to the earth in heaps. Hinata jumped into the first pile he saw and laughed, rolling in it and giggling at the soft crunch of leaves under his body. Kageyama found it hard to stay gloomy when the Hinata’s laugh rang in his ear, warm like the sun.

“C’mon, Kageyama! You jump too!” he said, and pulled him by the wrist before he had the chance to protest. The ball he’d been holding in hands fell to the ground.

He landed in the pile with a thud, hitting his head on Hinata’s chest and groaning when he felt the soft vibration of Hinata’s voice against his ribs.

“You’re so clumsy, haven’t you gotten even slightly better on your feet?” Hinata teased. “You’re still like this anytime you’re not playing volleyball!”

“Sh-shut up, dumbass.” Kageyama looked away, scrambling to get up before the people around him started wondering what a fifteen year old boy was doing playing in the pile of leaves by himself.

He felt something bore in the back of his head and he looked at Hinata, quirking an eyebrow. “Why’re you staring at me like that?” he asked when he saw hinata’s light brown eyes.

“Stop doing that, Kageyama.”

“Stop doing what?” he asked, picking up the ball and walking away from the pile- he could hear Hinata run after him, trying to catch up.

“You know! That thing where you’re thinking of the weirdest things, like what people think when they look at you!” Hinata grumbled, “You’re almost like a grumpy old grown-up now, Kageyama.”

“Well I _am_ growing up, idiot,” he said.

“You’re fifteen, you turd! It’s not that old so stop acting like one!”

Kageyama turned on him, “What difference does it make? Are you saying it only to make me feel guilty about wanting you gone when I was upset?”

Hinata flinched and shook his head. “You know I don’t really mind, you growing up,” he said, softer this time “It’s just…you’re being so hard on yourself and everyone around you. That’s not what I wanted.”

Kageyama shrugged and walked towards the park ahead, the trees opened up around them into the open expanse of the playgrounds. “What did you want then?”

Hinata walked towards him and gently took the ball from his hands, “Let’s play volleyball!” he said, “I missed the way you tossed to me, you know.”

 _He’s doing it again,_ Kageyama noted but didn’t say. He threw the ball towards him and waited for Hinata to catch it. He did -–it had been a light throw, after all— and grinned, before tossing it back to Kageyama.

They kept tossing to each other, to and fro, until Kageyama couldn’t take it anymore. He threw the ball into hinata’s hands and sighed. “You didn’t answer what I asked you.”

“Huh? What do you mean?” Hinata asked, looking up at the sky and Kageyama wondered if he was seeing something else that Kageyama couldn’t see again.

Something just like Hinata.

“You never told me why you left,” Kageyama said tersely, “And you’re planning on leaving aren’t you? For good?”

Hinata didn’t answer, just tossed the ball back to Kageyama and waited. Kageyama didn’t throw the ball back.

“Really, do you have to ask me the details?” Hinata asked, laughing awkwardly and scuffing his foot against the grass. “It’s just because I wanted you to make more friends, you know.”

“What?”

Hinata’s face turned serious. “You _know_ I’m not real, Kageyama,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. A cold wind blew and it chilled Kageyama to the bone. “You need to find someone else to connect to. You can’t just go on living with an-” his throat caught at the words before he swallowed and began speaking again “-With an _imaginary friend_.”

Kageyama’s body went cold at the words. He’d already known it was true and that’s what he’d been trying to convince himself of when he’d decided to move on, to stop clinging to his childish ways of thinking, but it didn’t make it any better when Hinata said it.

“So that means you’re-”

Hinata nodded, “I’m leaving, Kageyama. You know that’s best for you, right?”

He found himself nodding, even when his mind screamed at him to stop him somehow. “How long?” he asked, “How long will you stay here?”

Hinata grinned, a smile brighter than the sun itself and Kageyama couldn’t look at him. “Spike to me, Kageyama!” he said and jumped, “One more time!”

He didn’t want to, but that’s what Hinata wanted so he nodded --gritting his teeth to stop himself from crying. He spun the ball in his hand and threw it in the air, jumping just once to slap the ball towards the boy waiting on the other side of their imaginary court.

“Thanks, Kageyama!” he heard him say before he jumped in the air, higher than a bird soaring in the wind as he slapped the ball and laughed, “Make some friends for me, won’t you? And then we can meet again!”

And this time, Kageyama swore he saw wings.

\---

It took a while before Kageyama adjusted to his life without Hinata. He’d been alone before but somewhere there had been a hope that the boy would come back if he wished hard enough. He still had that childish desire sometimes, but it had faded to a dull longing in the back of his mind.

It didn’t bother him anymore that he was still the lonely King of the court.

He knew he had to change himself so when he finally joined high school, he started to work on it. It was relatively simple after that and he was almost surprised at how easily he could become close to his teammates in the volleyball team. Tsukishima and Azumane were in the team with him and he somehow managed to get along with them despite how it had been before. He sometimes wondered if Hinata would have been proud of him if he saw him now.

He’d learnt to deal with the disappointment of not having his spikes hit just the  way he wanted them to as well, and he’d come to change himself in that aspect too. Still, there were times when he still felt a flash or orange behind him, like a presence of a long lost friend and he’d smile, standing in the middle of the court, like an idiot with a one-track mind.

\---

A year and a few months passed, Kageyama became a second year in high school. He walked into the building and saw students walk past him, not paying any attention to him at all. He was tired and drowsy and he hadn’t slept well the night before, feeling too cold in a bed that seemed too large despite his growing body.

He saw something flit past him, a flash of orange, and he narrowed his eyes, staring at the butterfly float past him and across the corridors. No one else seemed to pay any attention to it and Kageyama almost had a mind to turn back and head to class but he didn’t.

He ran.

He ran, following the butterfly even though he knew it was stupid and childish of him to hope but he still ran, passing through students and teachers, getting yelled at but not caring.

He stopped in front of the third years’ classroom and took a moment to catch his breath. A boy stood in front of him, a paper slip in his hand and his hand paused in the air- an attempt at knocking the door.

The boy turned to look at him, his light brown eyes looking at him curiously. Kageyama waited for any sign of recognition to dawn on the boy but it didn’t, _of course_ , and Kageyama shook his head, a smile finding his way on his lips. He would have known that head of orange anywhere.

He gestured towards the sheet in the boy’s hand. “Joining the volleyball club?” he asked.

The boy grinned, and it was brighter than the light of a thousand suns. “Yup!" he said "It’s because I can jump really high!”

**Author's Note:**

> i've been working on this all day and i'm too tired to proofread it  
> nevertheless, this was fun to work on i hope you enjoyed it :>


End file.
